The UN-Bucket List

| February 16, 2009 | 0 Comments

Now that my “crazy” years are behind me there are some things, looking back, that I meant to accomplish and can’t believe that I never got around to…

Visit the Prehistoric Forest restaurant from Tommy-Boy. Website Its just sitting there waiting for me, but I think the fact that it is a functioning tourist attraction kinda ruined it for me.

Gotten Alcohol Poisoning. (See Camping)

Broken a bone, I broke my nose but thats cartilage. Maybe I am indestructible…. Speaking of breaking cartilage here is a fun fact: Chris fractured his magic baby wand diving weiner-first into a fat girls thigh, strange but true, but that goes for any sex story with Chris in it.

Write that damn movie. Its been in my head for so long maybe I got tired of watching it before it was made. The world really should see Chris “fishing”. Lets just say the only things in his tackle box are a pair of tighty whiteys and a baseball bat.

Explain the difference between “your” and “you’re” to every man woman and child.

Tell the world how good Justin is at Gay-Chicken. Oh well, I guess I can cross that one off. He has such soft hands, he must moisturize.

Witness a Spacedock. There is a whole plan for filming the thing with homeless people and hookers but in reality I just want to be there when it happens because it probably has never happened and it damn sure ain’t been filmed.

Be involved in a threesome(the way God intended, with chicks). I’ve been training my whole life for this. The only thing that worries me is what if I get addicted and can’t go back, I have enough trouble getting one girl to have sex with me at a time.

Kill a lion.

Jump on a moving train. I just want to throw my bindle up and the jump in like in the movies.

Punch Colin Quinn in the face. I was so close to this one, I found out the day after that he was down the street at a bar, I hate him that much I would have walked straight up to him punched him in the face and accepted any consequences. I am serious, I would go to jail just to have punched him in the face. He is possibly the least funny person on earth and he was on SNL for like 80 years, the magnitude of this crime cannot go unpunished.

Stay up until I went insane. I hear it happens at like 48 hours of wakefulness, after that I planned to write an episode of Spongebob.

Gotten high off of nutmeg. There is a ton of research that can be done on this on the internet, I guess I never got desperate enough to try it. But, I was lame enough to look it up so who knows why I never got around to it.

Build a sex slave fembot. Come on, I was too lazy to eat a bunch of nutmeg.

Catch a Thief. Actually I did this one but it went so poorly I feel I need a do-over.

Watch a porno all the way through from start to finish. In fact I wonder if anyone has done this. I’m imagining a terribly awkward situation where a mother finds her son’s porn and says “you aren’t going anywhere until you watch the whole thing”, just to prove a point.

Get tired of calling my White friends “Nigger”. I thought it was a phase, but I just can’t get enough of that sweet taboo…as long as there is no possibility of actual black people hearing me say it.

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